Sometimes close is good enough :-)

These two pictures show Eli wearing his "Mater Christmas" shirt for Valentines Day this year

Here's Eli with his "tractor" on his back :-)

As Eli has been learning to dress himself, I have been been learning some important lessons about life. Like most kids, Eli often gets his shirt and/or his pants on backwards. Also, he doesn't really care about what day it is. On Valentine's Day, I tired to talk him into wearing a Valentine's T-shirt he randomly owns. I was like "yeah! he actually fits in it to wear it on the right day!" but He decided that he would rather wear a Christmas shirt :-).

But the main thing I've been learning is that close is sometimes good enough. I mean the Christmas shirt was red, so he still looked like he was wearing Valentine's Day stuff anyway, and in the end, the goal is to have him wearing clothes right? The most important thing is that Eli is learning to dress himself. He's learning how clothes work, that some keep you warmer than others. He's learning how things feel when you put them on different ways. Eli is creating his own style one day at a time.

I think sometimes we need to let ourselves know that we are still learning, and that the most important thing isn't that everything is done just "the right way." In many ways we are still learning just like Eli. Heavenly Father sent us to Earth to learn and grow, not to do everything right in one day. Maybe I'm still not a very good housekeeper but I'm learning, and in the end no one is in any danger of death upon entering my house, so maybe for now close is good enough. I'm still learning that somethings should be done in a certain order. Like, I need to clean the closets some before I will be able to organize things that need to be put away into them. In my current house, I need to do the dishes before I can do the laundry (draining issues). But the fact that I am trying, and that I am figuring out what techniques do and don't work for me is really the most important thing right now.

This goes for all sorts of things in our lives. Maybe I didn't know the perfect thing to tell a friend who was having a hard time, but the most important thing was that I tried and I did or said something. Or at least started with the thought to do it. And for now close is good enough. Close still helped.

Obviously, the goal is to move to be able to do things perfectly, but in God's eyes we are still children, just like Eli, and He doesn't expect us to do everything perfectly quickly, anymore than I expect that Eli will start being able to take care of his clothes starting tomorrow :-)

It Feels Good to Be Clean

(I was going to put up a picture of Eli and his cousin Kippy in the tub, but I couldn't find a clear one that didn't have one or the other unduly exposed, and once something's on the internet it's there forever, including when they are both 16, so I thought I'd save them :-))

"What God hath cleansed, that call not thou common" (Acts 10:15)

"...there can no man be saved except his ^bgarments are washed white; yea, his garments must be ^cpurified until they are cleansed from all stain, through the blood of him of whom it has been spoken by our fathers, who should come to redeem his people from their sins." (Alma 5:21)

"And may the Lord bless you, and keep your garments spotless, that ye may at last be brought to sit down with ^aAbraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and the holy prophets who have been ever since the world began, having your garments ^bspotless even as their garments are spotless, in the kingdom of heaven to go no more out." (Alma 7:25)

"...purify your hearts, and ^ccleanse your hands and your feet before me, that I may make you ^dclean;" (D&C 88:74)



I know that I don't usually start with scripture like that but I'm about to tell you some "Mom" storied involving diapers and things so I thought I'd at least start on a good note for those of you who may be squeamish about the rest of this post. :-)

The thought about being clean came to me last night after we had gone through what has become an all too familiar episode with Eli. I cuddled, snuggled, and sang to Eli and he wasn't going to sleep so I told him goodnight and let him put himself to sleep. He was taking a long time, and Josh said "I wonder if he has a dirty diaper?" I checked on him once and the diaper was clean, and of course we didn't check again later. So, as I'm making Josh's lunch we hear a scream of waking from Eli and we come in and not only did he have a dirty diaper, but as is his habit lately he had reached in and started smearing the poop on his bed (embarrassing stories are different than pictures if you are thinking of the caption above). So, I took the half asleep Eli to the bathroom and started scrubbing his hands and part of his arm and taking wipes to his hair and Josh stripped the bedding and put on a clean sheet and clean pillow case and got me a clean shirt, and we got Eli a clean diaper. Finally, we had it all cleaned up and as I laid down to snuggle next to Eli and sing to him, I looked at his bed and him and thought what a wonderful thing it is to be clean.

I think that is how life is too. How good it feels to be clean. This comes in lots of ways, when we are done with a project and we can "wash our hands of it." Even when we physically do finally get something clean, but especially the way it feels when we take care of something that we have been feeling guilty about. I love that feeling when I can say "gee I'm really glad that I didn't say anything" instead of "oh no, now why did I have to say it and like that!" Sometimes though it's really hard, you look at that yuck stuck to you and think maybe it's just a part of me now, it's who I am. But it's not, it really isn't. I used to teach this little boy at church who has autism, and it's pretty severe, he doesn't even speak, but there was an autism specialist that came to talk to us and help us and she said something really profound. She said "I hate it when people say 'Autistic child' when they should really say 'child with Autism'." And it is true. I would often take the boy in our class for walks when class was becoming too much for him, and I would look at him and there was this perfect little child, with amazing abilities, who just happened to have Autism. We are like him too. I am not a stubborn person who is only defined by stubbornness, no matter what anyone, including myself says, I am a daughter of God, the Supreme Being, The Creator, and I have talents and abilities that are of great worth to those around me, and I happen to be afflicted with stubbornness at the moment, but it doesn't have to be an eternal thing.

One of Eli's favorite phrases right now is "Mama will wash." He's so cute because he even holds his hand out as if to say "it's okay" sometimes he even says "it's okay, Mama will wash." Even when his Teddy and Harold (those are his favorite bears) get dirty, he's calmed by "it's okay, Mama will wash." And I think of our Savior, who must just look at us and with tears in his eyes say, "don't worry, it's okay, Jesus will wash. I came here to save you and that what I intend to do, I can't make you let me help you, but you can't stop me from calling. I am the Good Shepherd, and no matter what you do, no matter how far you go, no matter how hard it looks, I'm still here, and I'm still calling for you. I know you're dirty and you did things that you weren't supposed to do, but it's okay. Let me pick it up with you. Let me help you." and again "it's okay, Jesus will wash"

Just like Eli's clothes and toys can be cleaned, so can we.

Heavenly Father Really Truly Does Want Us to Be Happy

It has occurred to me that some of these topics might end up being similar as we go along, but I mean them with a little bit of a new light I guess you would say.

I was thinking about this the other day. We have been moving around a lot lately, specifically since last August we've gone from Connecticut to Utah to Oregon. All of the moving around is hard enough for an adult, but has really been hard on poor little Eli. But, recently we just had a really good day. Not that anything really spectacular happened, but we were out at the coast and we went to garage sales, and as I was putting Elijah down for his nap, I just could tell how happy he was. And, nothing could have made me happier at that moment than just seeing Eli happy. I can't really tell you the joy and peace of knowing that Eli was just as happy as could be.

I know Heavenly Father is happy too when we stop and feel grateful for what we have and are content even if nothing huge is going on. We don't need a trip to Disneyland to be happy. Heavenly Father has given us this Earth and so much, the sun, the smell of cut grass (for those of us who aren't allergic to it :-)). And it really goes a long way if we take time, even in trials to stop and just be happy about the good things that are in this world.

You Can Always Turn To God, Even When You're Kind Of Upset With His Plan

I was thinking the other day about how sometimes poor little Eli has got quite the conundrum on his hands. On the one hand, he is mad at Mommy because I did something that he did not want me to do, like put his toy in time out that he was using to hit things he shouldn't. On the other hand, Mommy is the one who comforts him when he is upset, so though he is mad at Mommy, she is the one that he wants to cuddle him at the moment.

I was thinking about that with Heavenly Father. Sometimes I get upset with things that happen or have happened in my life, because I don't understand them completely. Usually, they are the things that I didn't have control over or that I felt like I should have had control over, but sometimes they are things that I was allowed to do to myself. But the amazing thing is, that no matter how I feel about what's going on, God still wants me to turn to him. Just like with Eli, no matter why he's mad at me, he could have just been beating me over the head with a stick that I took away, I still want him to turn to me. I still love him just as much, and I want him to come to me still. I want my little boy to come so that I can help him feel better and try to help him understand why what I did had to happen that way. I know that Heavenly Father's the same way, except with perfect love for each and everyone of us. He doesn't care how you feel about Him or anything in life, He still wants you to pray and talk with Him about it. He's longing to help us understand, He's longing to give us the recipe to turn our life's lemons into the best lemonade in creation.

I was actually reading today in Alma 5, where we learn about things that we should be doing, and even in this chapter where Alma is totally calling the people to repentance, he reminds the people about how God brings people from darkness to light, about His all encompassing powers to redeem us, and turn our corruption into in-corruption. The Good Shepard calls us still. No matter where we are and no matter how we feel. He wants us to turn to Him and learn to be the happiest we can possibly be.

God Can't Direct Our Footsteps Unless We Are Moving Our Feet

I've been thinking about this one a lot lately. I don't know who the quote is from anymore, but it is true that "God cannot direct your footsteps unless you are moving your feet." As Elijah's gotten into being a toddler his feet have been moving more and more lately. Like many toddlers they carry him everywhere and into everything! But, I was thinking in the end what a great thing that really is for him. It's because he was so interested in the sink that I let him do dishes (obviously no knives) with me. Since he's by my side most of the time, I get to tell him how things work and show him new toys. He's found our shoes and can try them on. Of course, he does get into a lot of things that he's not supposed to and he gets really frustrated when I have to take him away from things and places he can't have, but it's worth that cost for all of the great things he does get to do. Another remarkable thing is how he can usually be distracted by reminding him about something that he can have.

I was thinking about this with life lately. Josh and I have had a lot of changes in life, and we really aren't sure sometimes what we are supposed to be doing. Sometimes I want to just give up, but then I look at little Eli. We need to keep moving our feet just like him. How else will we finally get to the things the Heavenly Father wants for us? And it's better that we run into a lot of things that we aren't supposed to do and get turned around, than never finding our end goal. I think the thing to remember is that Heavenly Father isn't upset when we move towards things that we don't know are wrong for us. Just like, I know Eli doesn't know what a lot of the things are that he's trying to get into. I get shocked sometimes, but I'm not angry with Eli. And just like Eli, I know I get frustrated when I'm moving along and God says "hey don't touch that" or "I know it looks shiny and pretty, but it's not a good thing for you to have." I just hope like Eli, I'm fairly easy to distract with the blessings that I do have and the things that I have been able to accomplish. I need to learn to trust the Lord, like Eli is learning to trust Josh and I, that sometimes you can't have things and you don't know why, but don't worry, just keep moving and I'll let you see so many other things that you can have and that will be good for you. For now, just trust me, and I'll keep you safe and help you to be happy in the end.

Trust God, He Knows Where You Are Going

The other day Josh had a Clinical that was about an hour or so away, and because of circumstances it worked out that Eli and I drove him there. It was Eli's nap time, so he fell asleep in the car. Unfortunately, he woke up early and he was very upset. It was still about 5-10 minutes to the place where we were going to drop off Josh and by the time we got there and I got him out and consoled he was having nothing to do with going back into the car. We had about two hours to wait for Josh, and I could see that staying in the dirty parking lot was not the best option. I knew that there had to be a park nearby that would be a much more fun place to play. All Elijah could see was that I wanted him to go back into his car seat.

We were at an elderly care facility so I thought at least maybe we could go in and visit the residents, but there was a sign on the door warning about a stomach flu going around the facility.

Finally, I got Elijah back into the car and we only had 5 more minutes to go to get to the park where he had tons of fun the whole time we were waiting for his Daddy.

I got to thinking about how we do that sometimes. Life gets hard or it isn't what we thought it would or should be, so we fight the path that we know we need to be on and get angry at Heavenly Father for letting us be there. We get to a place where we can stop and we refuse to go on. Even if that place is fraught with dangers, like dirty used cigarettes, cars, and the stomach flu. We just assume that anything must be better than getting back into that car and going on. When really, in the grand scheme of things, God is just trying to get us to trust Him long enough to bring us to a park where we can have tons more fun!

Like with Eli, we don't get to stay at the park forever right now. But, God knows what He's doing. That's the thing about His being all-knowing. He knows the end from the beginning and if we trust Him, then overall our journey is going to be a lot easier in this life.

Sometimes Things Just Have to be Endured

The other day poor little Eli had a sore throat. I'd taken him to the doctor because sometimes his runny noses turn into ear infections, and they said that his throat was a little pink. There was nothing to do but make sure he had liquids and rest.

Sometimes life is like that. Sometimes hard things happen and they are just situations that we just need to get up our grit and get through. That doesn't mean though that Heavenly Father isn't there and that he doesn't care. My poor little Elijah. I was on hand to do what I could for him, even though I knew that this was an experience that he needed to go through. I was also still trying to help him find the easiest way through. I knew that all he needed to do was to close his eyes and rest/sleep more and he would feel better faster, and the whole situation would be better for him. Sometimes he would let me put him to sleep and sometimes he would fight.

It's sad but true that we often do this to Heavenly Father. We, like Eli, get caught up in wondering why things are wrong and wanting to do what we normally do and feel like we normally feel. We forget that Heavenly Father has a farther reaching vision. I could look at Eli and I knew that it was good for him to have to fight this virus while he was young so that his immune system could grow stronger, it's all just something that we also learn to get through. I still felt sorry for the poor baby. Just like how I was trying to get Eli to sleep and drink fluids to get through as easily as possible, often Heavenly Father tries to help us find was to get through our trials, even the tests of endurance, when we turn to Him and truly trust Him, and believe in Him that He does care in the words of Jeffery R. Holland "God is always faithful, He never flees nor fails us." (from his talk "None Were With Him" from April 2009 LDS General Conference).

I'm going to close with some words from Richard G. Scot "I have never asked why [a very difficult trial has happened to me] but rather what is it that He wants me to learn from this experience. I believe that is a good way to face the unpleasant things in our lives, not complaining but thanking the Lord for the trust He places in us when He gives us the opportunity to overcome difficulties." ("Temple Worship: The Source of Strength and Power in Times of Need" from April 2009 LDS General Conference)