This
is Eli with one of his most favorite snacks, the saltine cracker :-)
(This is thanks to watching Wallace and Gromitt a Grand Day Out)
The
other day we were going for a car ride and since I know Eli seems to
get hungry as soon as we start driving, I grabbed some snacks for him.
We were in a hurry, so I just put a whole sleeve of saltine crackers in
the snack area for him, instead of putting some in a ziploc bag. We got
to driving down the road and suddenly I hear this wail of despair from
the back seat! "Oh no! I will NEVER be able to get my crackers!!!" Eli
cried out as only a child who is sure the world has ended can cry out.
I turned around and said, "Eli, why don't you just ask Mommy to help you open the crackers?"
He
got that "oh right, I guess that could work" face, then after reminding
a please, he handed me the crackers, and I opened them, then handed
them back, and all was again well with the world.
This experience got me thinking about a few things. First, it reminded me of a passage from the Bible Dictionary about Prayer:
"As soon as we learn the true relationship in which we stand toward God
(namely, God is our Father, and we are His children), then at once
prayer becomes natural and instinctive on our part (Matt. 7:7–11).
Many of the so-called difficulties about prayer arise from forgetting
this relationship. Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and
the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other.
The object of prayer is not to change the will of God but to secure for
ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant
but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessings require
some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them. Prayer is a
form of work and is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of all
blessings."
I also thought of the many times in the scriptures we are told to knock and seek and we shall receive. Here is an example:
" 9 And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
10 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
11 If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent?
13 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?" (Luke 11:9-13)
I
thought about that, and how, I knew when I put the crackers in the car
that Eli would need help opening them. I had planned on Eli eating those
crackers. I just wanted to wait to open them until he was ready to eat
them.
I
thought about Heavenly Father, how often is He just waiting for us to
ask before He gives us experiences we need. And if I might be so bold as
to change the scripture a little, if I being imperfect, am ready and
willing to open the crackers I have prepared for my son when he asks,
how much more is God being Perfect ready and willing to send us the Holy
Ghost that He has prepared for us when we need it.
It
is easy to forget how important timing is. In the case of the crackers,
I didn't want the crackers to be spilled, or if Eli wanted to eat
something else, then I didn't want to have the cracker sleeve open
before it had to be and risk the crackers just getting stale. I was only
going to open them if Eli was ready for them and desired them at that
moment in time.
We also have to remember that God wants us to be agents unto ourselves.
He gave us this great gift of agency and He is not about to just take
it away, because He loves us. He knows when we need to walk in the dark
and when the answer needs to come right away. He knows when we need a
chance to think about our problems and work on a solution. It reminds me
of CS Lewis the Screwtape Letters (You can download a free copy here)
in letter VIII, when they talk about how there are naturally times in
life when light seems to ebb and flow, that we need those times when it
ebbs and when we in essence have to live only off of our faith, because
that's a time where we can show what we really choose to do. I remember
so many times not knowing the answer until after I'd made a decision and
acted on it, then later either got an overwhelming feeling of "nice
work, you did the right thing!" or "Great try, I'm glad you worked so
hard, but really you should go back and choose door #2."
Okay,
so here I'm going to share what happened to me today. This is going to
be a little difficult, because I usually only share past experiences that
I've had time to think about, but here goes my current life. For a
while I've been working on feeling truly happy. I changed jobs, which
has helped drastically, and I've been working on my attitude towards
life and things. Last night, I was listening to a talk before I went to
bed, it was President Uctdorf from the last General Conference, and the
talk is titled "Grateful in Any Circumstances"
I said a prayer that I would be able to understand how to be more
grateful even during trials, like the talk says. Okay, this stories
going to take some back story to understand. First, if I haven't
mentioned I'm a cancer survivor, and I've had a cold this week. I know
that doesn't seems like much of a connection, but when I was first
diagnosed with cancer we all thought that I was just coughing because I
had caught a cold, like my family had, but really it was the cancer
closing in on my lungs. This cold has been one of those too that mostly
just messes with my head and makes me feel groggy all the time, which
doesn't help that reminds me of my good days on Chemo. This morning when
my son, who gets worried when I have a bloody nose, asked me if I was
going to die, I held it together, but almost had a nervous breakdown. On
the inside I was so scared. But in that moment of insane terror, I
realized if I was only going to live for one more day, then what was
really important. And I was so grateful for my family. I had some other
special experiences today with other family members that just make me so
grateful no matter what is going on.
Just
for any of you who are worried, I really do just have a cold. I had my
husband give me a priesthood blessing, I am totally fine. But, I was
able to see again today how much God loves me. Because I knew what I had
prayed for in learning to be grateful in any circumstances I've been
able to see my existence more as a whole as an eternal personage again. I
know God has a plan for me and that I'm on the path and I need not be
afraid no matter what happens. God loves me and my family, and
everything is going to be alright in the very end, come what may. We are
given the experiences we need personally.
Why
do I share that with this post? Just like opening the crackers before
Eli was ready would probably have just lead to a big crumby mess in the
back seat of the car. If God had sent me the harrowing experience that
was reliving cancer for a day that was today when I had not been praying
for being grateful in any circumstances, then I would probably be a big
crumby mess right now as well. He knows when we are ready, and He knows
what we need, and He's got His arms outstretched ready to give us more,
as soon as we are ready to ask for it.
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